Pssst…Can you hear me? Are you listening?
I wake up from a bad dream…the house is on fire and I’m jumping from my second floor bedroom window. Not a big jump – it’s a small house. Certainly not a big enough leap to cripple me – or to get my legs all wound up around each other, locked together and stiff as if they had rigor mortis! Paralyzed. But there I am, sprawled on the ground, unable to move my legs while the flames engulf the house…
This was a recurring dream throughout my childhood. Over and over, my legs were paralyzed or tangled up. I was certain the dream was because my mom and dad were always talking about what to do in case of a fire…and I’d go to bed afraid. But in hindsight, I think it was my soul calling out…If only I could have recognized it…or if my mom had recognized it when I would tell her about the dreams…
Leg injuries play a big role in my life. Aside from the recurring dreams, the scars on my knees tell the story of a “clumsy kid” who tripped and fell on all sorts of things from broken bottles to gravel to pavement. In my first months away from home at university, I was constantly falling upstairs…like I couldn’t lift my legs high enough to get to the next step. When my marriage broke down and I moved out, I started falling down stairs or twisting my ankles.
And then, in response to a traumatic event a few years later (which I may write about when I feel more comfortable here) I moved far away from where I grew up. Within a couple of months of that move, my legs completely buckled under me. I collapsed flat on the ground. I laid there for a few minutes before I was able to stand again. I moved, but my legs were weak and my lower back was screaming in pain. I lived with pain in my back and legs for years while I tried to figure out what had happened.
Those who study energies, chakras and that sort of thing know that our legs and lower back support and carry us forward in life and according to Caroline Myss, author of Anatomy of the Spirit, injuries related to them could represent issues related to:
- Physical family and group safety and security
- Ability to provide for life’s necessities
- Ability to stand up for self
- Feeling at home
- Social and familial law and order 1
I’ve been familiar with this book since 1996, when I purchased on the recommendation of a friend. I found it interesting and could see all sorts of people in my family and my social circle who obviously needed to pay more attention to what was going on with all of their ailments. I didn’t see how it could apply to me (that would be the 30-something know-it-all me I was listening to!!). So, I didn’t start really, really reading and using it as a guidebook to help me understand and communicate with my soul until I was going for life coaching in around 2015. I was working with a wonderful coach who also used intuitive energy work as part of her practice. In one of our sessions together, I was trying to figure out why I was having such trouble moving forward, so she did a “reading” and what she felt/saw was me getting up from a chair and floating just above the ground…I had no legs!
To say that this captured my imagination would be an understatement! I journalled on this revelation for days! Back then, the phrase that came to mind when considering so much in my life to that point was that I’d “had my legs pulled out from under me”. I hadn’t shared all of my life history with this coach…but she KNEW somehow, on some level, that I was going through life without being grounded. Without the security of my legs and ALL that they represent.
In my coach’s office that day, I heard the very first whispers of my soul…Through her, I caught a glimpse of the connection between my body and my spirit that could be observed and understood by my mind…
Since then, I’ve looked at most of my physical “ailments” through a lens of chakras and energies. I use them as guideposts for helping me to better understand myself and what’s holding me back, or where I could use a little more support and encouragement. I still refer to Caroline Myss’ book, but also there are a host of other “gurus” whose similar work further advances my knowledge and understanding of my spirit and my place in the world.
Have you ever considered your physical ailments to be a window to your soul, or to the ways you are communicating with yourself, or responding to situations? Are you interested to learn more and explore it with me? I’d love for you to leave a comment below and let me know what you think!
1Myss, Caroline. Anatomy of the Spirit. New York: Random House. 1996. p. 96
