I have fewer than 30 days before I turn 60. In alternative time units, this is: 2,419,200 seconds or 40,320 minutes or 672 hours. Yikes! Where did this year go? And, what have I achieved in my "Run-Up to 60"?
Well, I think the title of this blog may be a bit of a give away...I do feel like rather than running up to it and embracing it like an old friend (see my original post about this year), it'll be more like I'm stumbling into its arms, with it holding me up by my oxters and laughing down at me! You've seen those scenes in movies when the girl falls into the fellow's arms while they are figure skating or something like that? In my case, my 60 year old self will be catching my 59 and 2,419,199 seconds old self and laughing outrageously at the cheek I had to think that simply setting the intention "to be mentally, physically and spiritually healthier when I turn 60 than I have been for most of my adult life" would be something I could actually measure as I got closer to it.
I think that's the thing - we are too close to ourselves to see the progress we make when we set out on a path. In my case, I can look back in my journals and I can see some of the improvements I've made in my self talk (yay me!) and in my insights about who I am and why I am as I am. However, if I were to look at the "measurable" things like weight, blood pressure, strength, flexibility not much has changed. However, as my partner pointed out, I've been doing the "inner work", not the "outer". So, I'm not the strong, svelt 60 I had hoped to be...but that doesn't mean I'm giving up.
For me, the inner work has been incredibly important. It is through that inner work that I've learned more about what holds me back from achieving (or even maintaining) the "outer" stuff. I've uncovered limiting beliefs, age-old habits, and even family/intergenerational baggage when I've put my pen to paper and dived deep into my internal dialogue. I have found that in the silence of writing, I have real conversations with my soul. My higher self. My guides...and maybe even God.
What I've come to truly believe is that we are all here for a purpose. We may not know what it is as we move forward through our lives. For me, I do know that my purpose isn't necessarily to be thin and svelt (though a healthier body will no doubt support my purpose). What I do know is that in order to find even a hint of that purpose, we need to be ourselves...the "best possible version" of ourselves that we can be. Minute-to-minute, day-to-day, week-to-week. But, to be our best possible selves, we have to KNOW ourselves. Really know ourselves. Every nook and cranny. Every thought. Every belief. And I think we have to lay bare our souls and take inventory. Clear out crappy, outdated beliefs about who we are, what we deserve and what we are capable of achieving. Have the messy cries when we need to. And maybe at the end of all of that, we have a better sense of who we are and why we're here. Oh, and throughout all of this, exercise some self compassion because our best selves don't show up every day! We just need to keep trying. When we stumble, catch ourselves and resume.
One day as I was journalling, I had an image come to mind similar to the one I've chosen for this blog post. This image, in combination with some of the memes I see and share on my Facebook page about 'being your weird, crazy self so that others can find you'...came together in a little moment of inspiration. What if we really are interconnected? That we, as humans, share an energy and connectedness where one of those lights within that web wrapped around the world is you living your life (and life purpose) to its fullest - and your light energizes the threads between you and the next light? Then what if, for some reason, your light dims and you can't energize the next ones? What if it goes out completely and you've broken the connection? Alternatively, maybe if you have "bright lights" in your life, you might borrow some of their energy from along their thread, but eventually they'll be depleted if you can't get yourself lit up again, and then there'll be 2 extinguished lights. I hope you get the picture.
My point is, in my Run-Up to 60, I had "intended" for something more physical happening. In hindsight, I maybe wasn't ready. I had to really get my own light shining again. Find my purpose. I think I have been borrowing light from other people and places, struggling to find and sustain that light inside myself. That's not to say we can't be dim for a bit...life happens. The key is to find the things that light your fire - the things that speak to your life purpose and bring you joy. The things that reflect back to you that you are living your life purpose (even if you can't put a specific label to what it is). And then do those things! Embody your life purpose! Stumble. Fall. Get back up again. AS MANY TIMES AS IT TAKES! No matter how old you are!!
I wonder if you can imagine that you too are part of this cosmic web of light and energy that surrounds the earth. I wonder if you can believe that by working to keep your light alive (and sharing your light with others who need to borrow it for a short time) that you are contributing to that web of energy and connectedness. And I wonder what kind of world we might live in if we are all working towards being the best possible version of ourselves every second, every minute and every hour of every day, knowing that by doing that we were fulfilling our purpose here and shining brightly as a result.
As I stumble towards 60, I now imagine myself as one of those lights at the intersection of the strands of light that connect each beacon to others. I hope that as I try to bring my best self into the world and shine my weirdness brightly, that others will join me!
Are you shining as brightly as you can, or do you carry some limiting belief or baggage that prevents you from shining as bright as you want to? I'd love to hear your thoughts!
